Navigating love after divorce is an opportunity to redefine the future and pose the important questions that go beyond the mundane checklists society hands us. Are we simply living life, or are we shaping a future that excites and inspires? This thought-provoking blog post explores how shifting the conversation from past relationships to future aspirations can illuminate shared visions and build stronger connections. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, it's about discovering each other's dreams for the twilight years of life—encompassing everything from relationships with grandchildren to the legacy we hope to leave. Dive into strategies that transform dating into a canvas for painting shared dreams rather than mending past woes. Your new journey doesn't just begin with understanding what went wrong, but with envisioning what could be spectacularly right. Ready to set your sights on a future filled with meaning and joy? This article might just hold the blueprint you've been seeking.
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Do you wrestle with feeling guilty or ashamed for becoming angry, frustrated or defensive? Are you constantly apologizing at home, work or with friends for feeling what you feel? Perhaps its time for a compassionate confrontation so that you no longer feel bad about your own humanity.
I often break out singing, “Emotions make you cry sometimes.” Most people who catch the reference to the 90s hit from Jodeci typically pause in confusion right before they break out in laughter.
Feel what you feel.
Are you a person who is extremely sensitive to the motions in the room? Do you find it difficult to resist the pull when someone else is in turmoil? If you self-identify as an empath, you may feel powerless in the crosshairs of other people’s emotions. But this post includes a very important principle that, if you practice it, will liberate you from other people’s “swirl.”
So you feel the immediate shift in the atmosphere, and you are certain what you just felt. So you ask, “What’s wrong?”
You are met with an immediate, “Nothing.”
This is confusing. Because you know what you felt. From a place of concern, you gently nudge, prodding for ownership and disclosure. Instead you just entered the blow up of the century.
What on earth just happened?
You stepped into their swirl. The swirl is the pressure cooker of internal conflict. They have something going on. In trying to sort it out, they conveniently make you the target. This is an instant pain reliever. Finding someone else to blame your swirl on gives you a quick vent, like turning the steam nob on your Instant Pot. And there is one simple reason why you were whipped up into mayhem along with them.
Are you struggling with negative feelings caused by unresolved conflict with a partner, coworker, friend or family member? Have you been replaying the offense on a continuous loop? Driving you deeper into negative emotion?
So it happened. They shouldn’t have said that. They shouldn’t have done that. What in the world were they thinking? And now, you are the one left holding the emotional bag. And even worse, they have spun the narrative to make you the villain after they did you wrong. You vented to everyone who would listen. And each time you replay the situation in your mind, the emotional sting hurts as much as it did during the original episode.
You are stuck.
What is your life “supposed” to be like? Really? Who told you this? How much of it aligns with your true, eternal characteristics? How much of it is a ton of expectations that were placed on you?
Consider the grumpiest, mean-faced, bitter person you know. Are they doing what they are “supposed” to do in life? Or have they become embittered because of the raging conflict within them that is fueled by everyone else’s expectations? Getting to the underlying source of your own internal conflict is the most valuable investment you can make in all of your relationships with others.
At the end of the day, You IS who you is. This vow of self-acceptance is both an offensive and defensive weapon. From an offensive vantage, when you utilize it as a compass, it directs you in checking off all the boxes for opportunities, relationships, and other choices. Each decision either brings you closer to alignment with yourself, or it puts you at odds with yourself.
Yet most people do not tap into the offensive power of the personal promise to self. They have not accepted themselves. They attempt to cover up and hide their imperfections and flaws. They layer on a thick coat of perfectionism, people-pleasing and performance so that nobody else can see who they really are. Then, when their relationships become shipwrecked, they fail to see the connection between their own internal conflict and the struggle they participate in with others.
