Have you ever hurt someone else by serving yourself? Has the same ever happened to you? In a society dominated with the YOLO philosophy of “do what you will,” it is no surprise why the death toll of marriages is astronomical. Ultimately, the feel-good foundation most relationships are built on is nothing more than an eggshell.
Given the current crisis of marriage, this evidentiary standard and statement of law is intended to challenge the prevailing societal norms and raise the question whether it is more appropriate to host weddings with the solemnity of funerals, rather than the revelry of a party.
Why is it that you don’t rush out into a steamy one night stand after a heated argument with your husband?
Or what force is at play when you look away from that gorgeous stranger on the elevator?
Why don’t you eat all of the dinner and send the children to bed hungry?
Or why didn’t you throw Mama from the train when she began lecturing you for the 100th time about that thing you and she will never agree on?
It’s discipline. And without discipline, there is no love.
In fact, what many people have experienced as “love” is actually emotional manipulation. Since we have been conditioned to focus on the emotion, rather than discipline, there is a preoccupation on making each other feel good. Or rather, seeking out for ourselves how to please ourselves when the other person is not making us feel good.
So the next time you catch your man in the DM’s drooling all over an internet vixen, examine his response. Does he passionately plea “I’m sorry!” promising never to do it again only to fall back into the same pattern? Or does he own responsibility for his indiscretion and implement true change in his behavior?
When your wife unleashes hell on you and calls you every name in the book, carefully examine the evidence of her behavior. Does she seduce you into a steamy hot night of bliss, only to cuss you out the next time you disappoint her? Or does she apologize for the way she disrespected you, never to do it again?
Love begins with “no.”
No to the thing that makes me feel good, but disrespects you.
No to the move that makes me look good, but makes you look stupid.
No to the choices that serve me, but is a disservice to us.
It is more respectable for you to just do what suits yourself without involving others in the process. But never call it love just because you “have feelings” for someone else. Just be honest with yourself—you do not love anyone else when you have not developed the self-control to say no to your own self-serving inclinations.
Wouldn’t it be more aligned to exchange vows, then, at a grave site? Although this may seem hyperbolic, our culture can use a strong dose of reality to shift our awareness towards the truth. And the truth is: Love dies. Love is sacrificing. Love gives up the right to be right or the impulse to punish when others are wrong.
Love is the death of selfishness.
So the next time someone happily announces their engagement, consider asking them whether they are ready to lay their own pride and selfishness to rest.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
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