Have you ever worked yourself to the brink of insanity for the sake of the team? Do you find yourself piling on more items to your never-ending “to do” list? Do you have the nagging sense that you should simply say “no,” but are too afraid because of someone else’s feelings or expectations?
If this sounds like you, then you may have a performance-based love contract operating in the background of your awareness.
Best selling author and psychologist, Dr. Chris Thurman, reveals this common source of internal conflict in his book, The Lies We Believe. According to Dr. Thurman, resolving conflicts that result from lies we believe require a two-step process.
- Confront the lie for what it is—not true.
- Acknowledge the truth and accept it.
From a legal analysis, this is the process by which we revoke voidable contracts. The reason the contract is voidable is because no person intentionally enters a contract to harm themselves. And that is what the productivity-based love contract is—harmful to self. Simply put, agreeing with a lie results in a failure of legal consideration. You did not have a meeting with your own mind when you accept the premise that you must perform in exchange, or as a precondition to receiving love from others.
It is simply not true.
A lie is not valuable consideration. This means that you are able to set aside this victim contract and form a new one with the valuable consideration of the truth: you are worthy of love and mutually beneficial relationships.
So the next time you experience the friction of saying “yes,” when your inner voice is screaming “no,” remind yourself of this universal law:
You cannot resolve conflict with others until you have first resolved the conflict within.
Honor your inner voice with the truth. And then simply refuse to perform for love any longer.
The world will not fall off of its axis when you practice truth.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
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