Why does disagreement over perspective have the destructive force of a volcanic eruption? Why allow yourself to boil over into a state of rage and upset Stomach because "they" don't see things your way?
In the present renaissance era, the rise of the robot is rapidly serving various insights to help us process the agony of conflicting opinions and values. Ultimately, what we all long for is peace. But too often, we overcomplicate the process. So what is the most simple path to get there? One of the foundational principles of Think Like a Lawyer Fight Like a Lover ™ is that peace begins within. Before you can enjoy lasting peace with others, you must first conduct an “internal discovery” and resolve any conflict you have in your own files. I discovered this principle while observing thousands of family disputes in my own legal practice.
The “Control Trap”
Generally, people are more willing to exert force, finances and even futility towards making the other person move their position first. People believe the other person is responsible for this fictional form of peace. The injustice of this pursuit is rooted in a violation of fundamental law. You cannot control another person. The more you try, the more they resist, and the more intense the conflict grows. I witnessed the financial loss, relationship deterioration, and endless frustration people experienced after long, heated court dramas. This unfortunate reality forced me to accept the limitations of the family court system. And that is what led me to the simple 3-ingredient recipe for predictable peace. Here, I share the first ingredient.
FOCUS
As a matter of universal law, conflict rages as you focus on the things about the other that you simply do not like or wish would magically cease to exist. But focusing on the worldviews, expressions or attitudes of another human being as the source of your own unhappiness is to have an unfortunate Victim Contract.
A Victim Contract results when you agree to a state of powerlessness because another person does not change in a way that makes life more pleasurable for you. By binding your state of mind to another person's approval, acceptance or agreement, you in essence lose control of your own feelings and therefore, you have no peace. Remaining in conflict with a person when they are perfectly fine with being themselves is like giving your lunch money to someone who never asked for it and then running home to tell your parents you were bullied.
So if that sounds ridiculous to you, try this instead. Turn your focus inward. Take time this week to answer these questions.
Day 1: Who am I?
Day 2: What is my purpose for existing?
Day 3: What are my unique gifts and contributions that make the world a better place for the next generation?
Day 4: What decision will I make in response to triggers, trauma, and terrors? How is this decision consistent with the person I am and who I can live in peace with– regardless of what is happening around me?
Day 5: How is the pain from my conflict with the other helping me to better define myself?
I hope you take time to have this very honest conversation with yourself. Once you have performed your own internal discovery, you are ready for the legal strategy which I will share in the next post.
Be blessed and encouraged.
Judge Char
P.S.
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