What would the world look like if we treated each person like an individual stock trade? Each community as a mutual fund? Each nationality like an index that mirrors the S&P 500? Even more, what would our personal accounts look like? Long-term gains? Or would you find your strategy has been to buy high and to sell low?
J.L. Collins’ book, The Simple Path to Wealth, challenges me with an interesting consideration. What if we treated our relationship strategy the same way we focus on our financial portfolio? In fact, as I consider the lessons learned in this book, I believe they apply the same exact way in the relationship space: Keep it simple, develop the guts for growth, and avoid common (irresistible) mistakes. By approaching our relationships with the same fundamentals taught by JL Collins, we can predictably accomplish long term gains and compounded growth in our relationships.
Keep it Simple
Sure, people are complex. I’m often tickled how baffling I can be to my own husband. After eighteen years, I still have him scratching his head at times, not sure what to think of me. But the reality is that people are simple. We have basic needs. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is one of the most powerful tools for reminding us of what drives each and everyone of us. However, our growing library for understanding trauma, neurodivergence, and psychology adds layers of details to the very simple frame of our humanity. For too many of us, we get into the weeds of psychoanalyzing people to understand them, rather than asking a few simple questions.
What is “the other” afraid of?
How are they protecting themselves?
How can I respond in a way that is safe?
So rather than getting into the weeds of which index provides the most accurate baselie for how and when you should invest, use the Maslow’s index. People will attack or withdraw when they feel unsafe. If you are the person on the attack or withdrawal because you feel unsafe, then you need to focus on becoming safe for yourself first. By doing this, you develop the self-awareness and compassion for others. Safety no longer feels like a chore. It simply and naturally flows from the person who has first become safe within.
Develop the Guts for Growth
People who develop the nerve to ride out the crashes show significant gains over time. Period. This investment mindset is packing power for those suffering from dizzying booms and busts in their relationships. For some people, the anxiety induced impulse to cut their losses leaves much later regret. Who wouldn’t want a crystal ball that predicted the future with exactness? Unfortunately, however, life is just not set up that way. And besides, where would the adventure be if we all knew exactly what would happen tomorrow?
As a former divorce attorney, I can see so many of my former clients as nervous investors pressing the “sell” button, just as the market is bottoming out. They were not conditioned to expect the correction in the market. They do not understand that the value in their stock will rise again. It is actually riding out the busts in relationships that increases the overall market performance for your marriage. But instead, we exist in a culture that rather short their own position than ride out the long term. It has become more socially tolerable to sell low and reenter the market at a later high in search of the big win. However, Collins’ wisdom reveals a powerful truth for real investors. There will be busts. There will be booms. And the market always rises over time.
Avoid Common (Irresistible) Mistakes
Finally, Collins points out that most people have the potential of financial freedom but never realize it because of common mistakes. To illustrate this point, he discusses the human psychology that drives people. We want to “beat” the system. We want to jump in low, and cash out high. Yet Collins argues that the futility of these mental and emotional fallacies are simply unattainable. Certainly, there are those anomalies—the freakish outliers who seem to work magic. However, for the majority of people operating within the bell curve of life, we simply don’t have that type of mojo.
The same is true for investing in our relationships. For example, opportunism, like day trading, may score you a few quick wins, but over the long term reduces trust, and therefore, value in your position. Authenticity on the other hand seems riskier on the front end, but predictably nets gains over time because it builds trust and confidence.
How is your portfolio doing? Which of these principles can help you maximize your returns over time? How can the interest of your own goodwill towards others gain more goodwill for your children’s children?
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
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