With extreme emotional agony, I screamed internally, Why this little bag of hormonal emotional reasoning!
My teenager had me on the ropes. It was only a week ago when I began teaching him chess. And here he was, declaring “check,” while I was simply reacting to his moves the entire time. While I was oblivious and confident in my advantage, he had surrounded me with his power force. In an instant, I was no longer the teacher, but the defender.
And if you have been passively living in this world full of competitors, strategists and opportunity enthusiasts, this post is for you.
Recently, I’ve been rereading Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey has a lot to say about proactivity in relationships. Rather than wait for the other person to change, why not do what is already within your own power and ability? Unfortunately, most people default to the habit of reactivity instead. This simply makes relationship challenges more difficult to navigate when they eventually arise.
Response Ability
According to Covey, proactivity is the result of personal ownership. That is, as Covey puts it, the ability to respond. But your response does not have to be reactive. Rather, you can anticipate bumps in the road, stormy weather, and flat tires in order to prepare to be in the best position to navigate the disruption to your regularly scheduled program. Why are you living life waiting for others to make the first move? Why are you defaulting to protecting your space, rather than proactively expanding your capacity?
To my son’s disappointment, I was able to wiggle out of his little trap by teaching him what “castling” is. I even did some damage to his troops with my queen who was a woman scorned. But ultimately, my failure to strategically advance resulted in the humiliating fall of my little kingdom.
A Time to Advance
What can you take ownership of today? At home? At work? In your community? In what ways are you satisfied with the default destination that will result in checkmate? My past embarrassing defeat coupled with Covey’s book was a great reminder that coasting is no fun when it leads to a preventable walk of shame.
Besides, the only one you can blame when you got cornered and overtaken as a result of your own reactivity is you.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
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