I was a drama queen. But I couldn't quite be apologetic about it. Being naturally expressive and emotional, I justified my sensitivity whenever someone would trigger my fear or insecurity. But then I discovered something super simple yet extremely powerful.
Your feelings do not define "the truth."
This was a game changer. When I believed my feelings represented an accurate version of the facts, I defined everyone else, everything they said, and even their intentions based on what I *felt.* So if I felt rejected in the moment, then that meant *you meant to* reject me. If I felt insecure, the reason I attached to the feeling was *you do not accept me as I am.*
I talk about this in my book, how Shrek encouraged us all to be super comfortable in our *ogre form* of unhealed trauma.
Don't go changing to try to please me....
But Shrek's serenade to the princess was only partly true. Nobody should feel pressured to change for the purpose of trying to please another person. This is great foundation for all intimate relationships. You cannot be someone you're not and expect someone else to finally accept you.
Yet, simply inviting the princess to remain in her ogre form left her without accountability for areas where a little introspection goes a long way.
Change from being easily triggered because you desire healing. Heal because you desire the peace it brings.
And that brings me to the scissors and the watering can.
Cutting away lies
hen I learned to tell myself the truth--to be brutally honest about myself, I began to see a little more clearly. I cut away the lies. Lies that assumed another person's bad intention because of my feelings when I was triggered or felt threatened. Eventually, I cut away most assumptions I held onto about people. Those assumptions were my security blanket, a protective mechanism, to explain away my hurt feelings without taking a more thorough inventory why did that hurt me this way?
Next, after cutting away the weeds of my belief system that did not serve me, I planted new seeds of truth. I learned to speak to myself the things that I longed for others to say. Soon, by affirming myself, I simply taught everyone else around me how to treat me better. Taking the lead in *how to love me* is a frightening endeavor. But if I'm not the one to step up to the plate, I potentially doom myself to spend the rest of my days waiting for someone else to love, nurture and cherish me.
Cut and water. Repeat.
I want to encourage you today. Maybe you have felt nobody else truly values you. Perhaps you have been busy speaking, yet it seems nobody is listening. You may even feel invisible, or alone in a room full of strangers...
You have all the power you need to show up for yourself. You can begin telling yourself the truth and cutting away your doubts, fears, and the lies you've told yourself. Clear the ground of your new garden. Plant desireable seeds--your favorite truths, hopes and dreams. Water your seeds each and everyday. Before you know it, others in your life will be attracted to the beautiful smell of your blossoms and the sweet aroma of fresh new fruit.
Before you know it, you become a whole honey blossom.
Be kind to yourself
And the same way flowers take time to grow and blossom, your new mindset--your garden of loving truth--will take a season or two to fully grow in the way you want it. But I promise you it will be worth your effort, time, and energy.
And you will be surprise how others can't help but enjoy more of your awesome. Inspire them to join your party and experience your newfound joy, laughter and peace.