Have you ever seen your New Year’s resolution as a high stakes deal negotiation? If not, then this may be a key element why you have a pattern of past failed promises to yourself. As a contract analysis, a resolution is a “yes” you make to a future version of yourself. But why have so many slipped away? Here is a nuanced perspective from your neighborhood contracts nerd.
Agreement with Season
Understanding our relationship with Earth is a very important element for a winning deal. Like the earth, our lives follow patterns—or seasons. Unfortunately, making a new deal with an effective date in the middle of winter is the first place we create internal conflict.
In the winter, we observe naked trees. Days are shorter. Bears are hibernating. This is a law of the earth that we should be careful to observe when making our own contracts, or resolutions for the next year. The law of nature depicts for us a season of down-shifting, or rest. Reving up our motivation to begin a new venture during the winter is simply misaligned with the reality of the season. This does not mean that a resolution will automatically fail. It simply stages friction that will require additional effort, motivation and energy.
Spring, however, paints a totally different picture. Our pollen-covered cars remind us that the Earth is in bloom. As a matter of natural law, this is the season of new beginnings. Many of us intuitively follow this trend, or seasonal law. We venture outdoors more. We plant seeds in the garden bed. This season invites a new beginning—or new deal with yourself. So even if you make your resolution during the winter season, adjusting the effective start date for the spring adds alignment with the Earth. This puts the wind in your sails to help you along and minimize friction.
Agreement with Self
I often teach that when we break promises we make to ourselves, this is simply evidence of internal conflict. To say one thing and do another is a contract problem. Desire alone is not synonymous with belief. Belief is a contract with an ideal, or what we believe about ourselves.
In his game-changing book, “The Big Leap,” author Gay Hendricks illustrates the psychology of self-sabotage. As he puts it, you simply will not allow yourself to enjoy something you do not believe you should have. From a contract analysis, your thoughts do not agree with your words, and therefore, you have no enforceable contract. The fact that you say you want a particular outcome before you actually believe it to be possible, worthy, or attainable is to only have an open proposal. This proposal does not become a binding contract until you accept it as true…for you. So if you have a pattern of failed resolutions of any kind, its time to take a deeper look. Explore with your therapist what you honestly believe is true. How is it opposite, or misaligned with the goal you desire? What steps must you take to bridge the gap between desire (words spoken) and belief (agreement with possibility)?
My hope and prayer for you is that the year ahead is full of agreement. Agreement with yourself. Agreement with the Earth. Agreement with your neighbors. Sure, conflict is inevitable. But the more expert you become in negotiating your own internal deals, the easier it becomes to navigate conflict when it arises with others.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
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