This post may be a little offensive. But there are very few conflicts that do not involve momentary discomfort. So I will bring this issue to light with a couple of actual observations to help illustrate the point for those who were not aware.
Recently, my kiddo and I attended a gathering with a few other families. I busied myself at the counter with a quick wrap up of the day’s work before the other guests arrived. Our host, a lovely lady, was charming and very hospitable. I marveled as she was busy in her cozy kitchen, baking treats for the kiddos. The scene was picture perfect. However, she was unaware of the crescendo of alarms that dwell only within the heart and mind of guests like me.
Another guest arrived. She was friendly and welcoming to me—a newcomer in this social circle. She was enamored by the treats on the counter. The hostess announced that she would pipe icing onto some of the treats. Well, the new arrival dove right in, scooping icing into a Ziploc bag. When she was done, she licked her thumb. Then, with the same thumb, she zipped the bag closed for piping.
Nobody was aware of my trauma response.
I was instantly transported to an office party. The friendly, hospitable hostess was cutting cake for everyone. She sliced. Then with her fingers, balanced the cake to place each slice on a plate for the rest of the team. And several times during her diligent effort, she licked her fingers.
I returned to the moment which was unfolding in real time.
The guest came into the house, hot off the streets.
She had never washed her hands.
And as though she was cooking only for her crew at home, she was oblivious to the courtesies that are required for serving guests.
And if you are someone who lacks the level of conscientiousness with food handling as I an many others who value sanitary conditions, then you may be bothered by this commentary.
There is a group of people you have ignored at the office party. They quietly and discreetly examine behaviors around food at the office party. They understand you more than you understand them. And because of this awareness, they are terrified at the very idea of the potluck.
They, like myself, are not antisocial.
They respect the boundaries between what is comfortable for you in the privacy of your home, and what should not be shared—your unwashed hands and/or bodily fluids –with your neighbors, coworkers, or party guests. And like myself, they have exercised great restraint. They remain cordial, even friendly, as you offend the deepest core of their soul.
I have been wrestling with this issue for days since that gathering. I respected my own boundaries by simply not eating anything. But how can I? I cannot un-see the licked fingers. I cannot erase the knowledge that you did not wash your hands. I cannot undo my knowledge of what hands do while no one is watching.
So how can we resolve this social conflict? Should the food handling conscientious remain silent? Should the unaware remain oblivious? How can we plan and implement office parties that respect everyone? Because the way we’ve been doing it is simply a conflict of interest.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
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