You had a nasty fight. Things were said that you wish were never said. Threats were made in an attempt to force the other side to move. You went to bed furious, or just lost sleep. Perhaps you were so disoriented from the clash, you struggled all day to focus on things that needed your attention.
Things eventually cooled off. You worked things out. And a year later, when you attempt to recall what the fight was about, you struggle to remember the details. Sure, there are some topics that are hard to forget. Especially those unresolved, recurring challenges that plague nearly all relationships. But here, I’m talking about the one-off that nearly went nuclear.
The wisest woman I ever knew once shared her sage advice about marriage. Her #1 top pick for marriage success was “don’t take yourself too seriously.” Although I had this rule in my back pocket when I stepped into marriage with my eyes wide shut, I didn’t reach for this card those first 8 years while I was the runaway bride. I wanted to be right. I desperately needed to be validated. And these expectations simply took all the fun out of this great adventure we call life.
If you can’t laugh out loud or be totally playful and carefree with your husband or wife, then my first question for you is: are you able to laugh at yourself?
The hard reality is that we often set fire to relationships for things that will not matter a thousand years from now. You won’t get to your final moments of life and regret that you didn’t win more fights. In fact, the people who we miss the most are the ones who made us question ourselves, laugh at ourselves, and confront the time-tested question: will this matter at the end of my life?
Life is too short to be walking around with your face and your spirit all frowned up and grumpy. Laughter, play and flexibility create space for us to experience the complexity of humanity without getting our feelings all tied in knots. Not everybody is your cup of tea. So get yourself some coffee. The point of the game is not to always agree with one another. The objective is to make the most with what we have without waisting time on frivolity. So the next time you feel the discussion becoming heated, take room for a breather. Ask yourself, will this matter a thousand years from now? If the answer is “no,” recognize the absurdity of the issue and hurry up to get back to loving each other.
But if the answer is “yes,” then develop a strategy for mitigating the generational impact. Either way, navigating conflict from the vantage point of eternity helps you save time, fight less, and laugh more. We don’t have forever. So let’s maximize the moments of connection and not allow ourselves to be trapped or robbed of opportunities that will actually matter a thousand years from now.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
Human connection disclaimer: This post is 100% human curated and is not generated by Ai.
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