Are you tapped out on love? You’ve tried everything…
Therapy…
Couple’s counseling…
Church intervention…
And no matter how much you pray, cry, and try, you are left feeling tapped out and disappointed with your marriage?
What if I told you that you have been playing the game all wrong? And that your contentment and joy are within reach if only you would run the right plays?
You see, love is a game. Not in the way that there is a winner or a loser. To the contrary, most marriages flounder when a husband and wife lose sight of the fact that they are on the same team. The field goal is unity. The end zone is “till death do us part.” But today, too many beautiful and loving couples are losing the game to divorce because they simply don’t know the rules to the game. In this post, I am sharing one of three simple ways to run better plays as you master the game of love.
#1 Express interest
I understand—your wife’s obsession with HGTV is too much for you to keep up with. Or your husband’s fascination with the golf course triggers instant boredom as soon as he begins sharing his tee time highlights. But when you first met, you showed interests in these things. You listened intently before you became familiar with one another’s routine. You don’t have to become a fan, participate at the same level, or even really care the way they care about their interests.
When you totally check out on things that are your partner’s interests, you are subtly communicating rejection to them. Over time, you are spending more an more time in your separate interests. This leaves less time for shared activities and meaningful team building together. This is the “drift” that so many people experience when they are left to conclude, “we simply grew apart.”
It is healthy to have space and time away from one another for your individual interests. But the last thing you should want as a husband is for your wife to spend more time talking to her girlfriends—or another man—who do not communicate the rejection of disinterest. Likewise, ladies, it is helpful to keep in mind there are plenty of thirsty women out here ready, willing, and able to listen, laugh, and love on your man with her expression of interest.
People grow complacent. Consider complacency as the quarter back on the other team. Familiarity does, in fact, breed contempt. Then you find yourself caring more about everything you don’t like about each other until peace, laughter and team spirit have left your house. Rather than motivating yourself by fearful thoughts of them being happier with someone else, simply design some plays together. The conflict here is lack of shared interests. And if the only thing you agree upon are the kids, then what remains once they’ve left the nest?
The key element to resolving this area of conflict is to take small, intentional steps towards shared enjoyment. What things make you both laugh? What causes do you both believe in? What things can you do together 30 minutes per week that builds your team spirit? You are not going to reverse complacency drift overnight. But if you play the game well, your family will score small wins that restore commitment, trust, and camaraderie that strengthens your team to win the finals.
If you are too exhausted to put in the work right now, I totally understand. That is why I provide both spiritual, practical, and civil law strategies to help people just like you. To learn more about how we have helped families save MILLIONS of dollars on unnecessary, untimely, or emotionally-driven legal fees, download Tired of Trying: How to Maximize Your Budget and Preserve Your Sanity with the Most Comprehensive Insights You Will Every Find About the Legal Process.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
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