Are you performing for love, acceptance, or approval? Is there a hidden, subconscious risk that you would lose it all if you showed up one day 100% as yourself?
I ask because many of us are performing. We are on stage in board rooms, meetings, and conferences. We are on athletic fields and sports arenas. We are extras in the next episode of Seinfeld. Every performance has a beginning and end. And if you are not the same person before the show begins or after, then you are performing and probably have a low boiling resentment brewing. This is a signal that it’s time for peace talks.
Wanna talk about it?
At a recent home school parent meeting, we began with an ice breaker: share your name, your children’s names, what you wanted to be when you grew up, and what you currently do for work.
Because I’m serious about my ice breakers, I gave this some extra consideration. Technically, I could have said “I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up and that is what I currently do.” But the truth is that my dad wanted me to be a lawyer, and I accepted the assignment from a deep desire to please him and be accepted by him.
But when it was my turn to introduce myself to the other moms, I had to be honest with myself and my new social group.
“When I was a kid, I wanted to be Janet Jackson—in control.”
Laughter erupted. But I wasn’t even trying to be funny. My inner artist had been suppressed for decades. She popped up for a season before law school when I frequented local spoken word venues. She was necessary for a healthy vent and published innumerable handwritten journals. She did crazy things at work like converting protective order cases into residential leases.
And you can say that I wanted to be a performer. But no. I wanted to be one who expressed my creativity. And being honest about this with myself and everyone else finally ended one long and horrifying act of melodramatic half-dead acting in my life.
Who are you when the curtains close and the theater lights turn off? Are you the same as the one on center stage? Or is there a muzzled monologue clawing at your soul for acknowledgment?
Addressing these prompts with courage and radical honesty will unlock the door to peace with yourself. Internal conflict resolution is prerequisite to interpersonal harmony. And when we resolve our own conflict, we release the desperation for acceptance, approval, or love at the expense of our deepest drive.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
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