Ask any lawyer who has been practicing business law or family law in any capacity, and they will tell you. . .
Every one of these relationships that come into litigation are based on and often resolved by contracts.
When putting the contractual nature of our relationships into perspective, we unlock unlimited possibilities. Understanding the fundamentals of contract law provides more leverage in recognizing where challenges in our relationships are not always about the way we are feeling in any given moment. Viewing our relationship challenges from a contract analysis empowers us to redesign or revisit the contract that connects us in the relationship.
Do you have an overwhelming sense that things are not fair in your relationship? Whether you ask the right questions, approach at the right time, things just never seem to work out the way you were hoping that they would. What if I told you that the key to experiencing more clarity and empowerment in your relationship is rooted in fundamental principles of contract law?
I love contract law. We all are involved in contracts by the time we reach our teens. As parents, we even negotiate with very young children. We often have these contracts that we enter into, like, “Hey, if you do this, then I'll do that.” Contract negotiation is the most ancient form of human interdependence. However, the problem is that most people—especially in intimate conflict—do not consciously consider or actively analyze our relationships as legally binding contracts.
Does the very idea or possibility that someone's lying to you, upset you to the point of instant rage, like from zero to “ I'm pissed” in no time flat? Like I ready to prove you wrong in this very moment—I have the screenshots, I got the text messages, the voice memos, the emails. You are wrong... You're lying… and I’m ready to expose you as a liar.
What if I told you the key to helping the liar in your life is no longer arguing with them and allowing the truth to reveal itself? There's a very important law of life that applies here.
Are you tired of feeling neglected or abandoned every time you are experiencing strong or negative emotion and attempt to have a conversation about it with your partner or loved ones? If you've been feeling more isolated in your emotion and less connected in your affliction, it's simply because you might not have learned a few very simple skills that we've been talking about the past couple of posts. And that is, effective emotional expression.
What most of us had modeled for us is actually the exact opposite of what makes people feel closer to us when we are in pain. Rather than beginning with a confrontation that feels like blame or accusation to the other for what is afflicting you, the first two steps are about your own personal accountability and connection. When done correctly, your partner hears an invitation, rather than an attack.
Are you feeling frustrated every time you attempt to have an emotional engagement or conversation with your partner? Do they shut down on you, avoid you or argue with you instead of understand you?
What if I told you all of this could radically change once you master a simple set of conflict resolution skills that many of us were never taught?
When we practice conflict management, we're not always thinking about conflict as a skill set. We're not automatically thinking about the requirement of a game strategy, like playing chess. We often react out of our very, very human emotional space. And when we do that, we actually do more damage to our relationships. Rather, many of us lose the opportunity to build a stronger relationship foundation of understanding and connection.
The second step in effective emotional communication is caring for yourself. You may be saying, “Hey, Char, my problem was with the other person. So why are you telling me to take care of myself?”
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