The Plague of Perverted Patriarchy

"What is your position on headship in marriage?" asked "Sophia," a middle-aged wife and career woman.

For me, the issue was not for debate: "I believe that 'husbands are the final authority in marriage. . But if you and your husband have agreed to something different than that, then certainly I am here to respect and honor your agreements."

Sophia was wrestling with something taboo. Growing up in a Christian home and community, her question challenged one of the cornerstones of faith and family success. 

I shared her musings with my own husband, intrigued. He and I always shared the same understanding. So for us, it was never a point of contention. But I told him that Sophia raised some historical concerns that had merit. And I challenged myself—and my husband—not to quickly dismiss the fundamental issue Sophia raised.

And the issue is the perversion of  patriarchy. 

When exploring the history of patriarchal society and its use of religious norms, we discover a very subtle and dismissive attitude towards women: Sit down. Shut up. Submit. 

And I mention these prevailing male attitudes—particularly those rooted in patriarchal religious teachings—as abruptly and rudely as women often experience in their relationships with men in society. Certainly, many men who have abandoned religious traditions have also adopted a more egalitarian view of their female counterparts. But what Sophia was saying, and what I personally experienced in my own marriage, was only the tip of the iceberg.  In fact, a closer exploration of ancient society, culture, and norms reveals the religious roots of the modern gender war, which is driving too many couples to divorce. 

I mention this to raise a simple question: Who were the parties at the board meeting when the priority was set by the Creator himself when He stated, "Let us make man in our own image"?

Could it have been a conversation between the Father and Mother of creation?

In the 8th chapter of Proverbs, Wisdom introduces herself to the reader. First, as female. Second, as the one in whom the Father delights, and who was with Him at the beginning before the earth and creation came into being. As a general theological principle, it is well noted that the Hebrew text consistently refers to the Spirit of God in the feminine form of the text.

Few Biblical scholars will contend this point of reference. Even more, when you read the reflections of the wisest, wealthiest, and most celebrated king of his time, King Solomon himself described his love for Wisdom in vivid detail. He said how much he grew to love her. He wanted to marry her. And he asked God to give her to him. See, Wisdom of Solomon 7:22-28, 8:2.

Certainly, the oppressive tentacles of a corrupted patriarchy could not thrive as it has under contemporary religious traditions had these writings not been removed from the Biblical canon. 

And could it be that when the Creator spoke of "our own image and likeness," and when "He created them male and female," he was speaking to Wisdom, the female aspect of Himself, the womb of all creation?

I ask this question because the narrative speaks of woman being formed out of man. Is this not the exact same "forming" of Wisdom as she describes herself, being formed from the Father of all creation?

I am not a religious person. Far from it. In fact, I credit my success navigating conflict primarily to my willingness to reject tradition for the sake of discovering truth. And when I consider Sophia's question in light of my observations of the male-female conflict that is so prevalent in our culture, I am compelled. For in Sophia's question was the key to a very powerful insight. Male dominance over women is a false construct. Likewise, the pendulum swing of female dominance over men is also a false construct. Rather, true connection and fulfillment between us lies in male-female SYNERGY. There is a nuanced place of mutual yielding. There is a mutuality of honor, a mutuality of respect. And when the gift and power of male and female are balanced in this way, we become one. . . in the image of our Creator.

In my eBook, 5 Steps to Convert Conflict Into Connection, I share how I went from feeling powerless and stuck in marriage as a professional woman of faith, to finding deeper connection with my husband. This journey has been a labor of love. But I know first hand how desperately lonely it can feel to be a successful career woman who just can't seem to crack the "connection code" with her own husband. Let me show you how. 

I pray you find the answers you are looking for. I pray for peace and understanding to abide with you. I pray you encounter the courage to love again, trust again, and live without guilt, shame, or fear of failure.