Part 3 of The Victim-Villain Deception Series
I held the phone with my former client, Corrine. She was seeking sympathy and legal guidance 14 years after I first took on her nasty divorce as my very first contested custody case.
She was still living in the same victim narrative. But this time, her ex, Gregory, had staged the ultimate abusive scene for their 20-year long romantic horror-drama. Gregory, only 58-years old, had died unexpectedly. Sadly, however, from Corrine’s perspective as the everlasting victim, he died in such a way that was calculated to torment her. He was in the grave. But, to Corrine's horror, Gregory scored the last laugh.
“This is not justice,” she lamented.
Corrine was finally confronted with what I had been warning her all along.
You can’t control another human being.
The court can only do so much to regulate good behavior in families.
Even after you punish him, you will still be empty, longing for something else, just outside of your reach.
I warned Corrine to live her life, to stop being Gregory’s victim. But she was driven with an unsatiable desire to even the score, to see him brought to justice. Yet when his death left her in probate court, searching for answers to the riddle of her children’s inheritance, she finally encountered the end of her own pursuit of justice.
She finally accepted that the justice she was seeking could only be found within herself.
She finally accepted the end of the fight.
What I experienced in this case and the decades-long trail of broken hearts is an indictment against the system. It is an indictment against friends and loved ones who willingly accept a one-sided story where a partner diagnoses their own spouse without accountability for their own behavior. It is an indictment against the clinician’s refusal to confront the victim sitting in the patient’s chair, convincing them that the abuser will never change and that divorce is their only escape. It is an indictment against the legal system that can only surgically remove family members without ending the revolving door of contempt, modification and protective orders.
It is a system of sickness that lacks justice.
I don’t have all of the answers here. But what I do know is that we all have a role to play. How have you participated in someone else’s narrative of narcissistic abuse? Have you agreed with their conclusions? Or do you challenge them to embrace their personal power over victimhood? How have you participated in the false narrative that the legal system will fix it? That the lawyer will hold them accountable? That the judge will make them pay? How have you participated in ongoing litigation as an active participant of the unofficial legal team?
At the time of the divorce, I “won” Corrine’s case. But from a generational analysis, I and the system I represented failed this family. Corrine’s children are all young adults now. They were systematically processed – ran through the meat grinder of a clinical-judicial industrial complex until they were convinced, they, too, are victims. The truth is that when a family fails, everyone loses.
When someone tells you they are involved with a narcissist, I want you to remember Corrine’s children. I implore you to take pause before you console them by agreeing with their victimhood. I ask that you bring the conversation back to their choices, their insatiable desire for vengeance, and their personal power to change their reactions to another person’s behavior.
I want you to remember: There are two sides to every story.
In hindsight, Corrine’s behavior as the accuser was narcissistic gaslighting, keeping the heat on punishing Gregory. Constantly. But she was rewarded with the instant gratification of a system that has become more victim-oriented than recovery-oriented. And in the long run, according to this longitudinal case study, every professional in this clinician-judicial industrial complex should begin rethinking our professional approach to victim narratives.
Corrine’s children are not only fatherless. They are impaired in a way that predicts they will perpetuate victim-villain relationships which lead to the revolving doors of family and/or criminal court. As a society, we need to ask ourselves whether we are satisfied with this outcome.
Where is true justice for hurting families?
Be challenged and provoked to change,
Judge Char
Human connection disclosure: This post is 100% human curated and is not generated by Ai.
