"There's nothing I can do to make you happy" are the words confessed by a defeated lover. Most often, we hear these words spoken by men. He's done everything his wife asked him to do. He's checked all of her boxes, responded to every demand. He has been anxiously awaiting the moment she confirms to him that she is finally pleased with him.
But it never comes.
Instead, she finds something else for him to fetch. "If only you would stop this." "If only you would start that." These endless demands add tremendous pressure on a relationship. One person is trying to "make" the other person happy.
Yet happiness will never be achieve from an external source.
Your spouse can be your best friend. But he or she will NEVER be able to supply you with endless happiness.
Your spouse can make a few changes to his or her behavior. But eventually, the nagging ache of your soul will thump more loudly than the momentary pleasure that comes from eternal pleasure. And too often, spouses -- especially women--find more items to add to the "honey do list" that she has convinced herself will give her relief from her pain.
But that relief is only temporary.
Lasting happiness and contentment must come from within. Tapping into the unquenchable source of joy that flows only from the source of all truth--our Creator--is the answer to ending our suffering. When we focus on the other person in our relationship and make that person responsible for ending our suffering, we place an unbearable weight on another human being.
And too often, we see husbands throw up the white flag of surrender with a desperate sob, "there is nothing I can do to make her happy."
If your spouse has spoken these words to you, then I want you to take this very seriously. I want to warn you that the other person is at the end of their rope, attempting to be a battery to fuel your happiness. They simply cannot do it.
No one can.
This is the point where I realized in my own life that I had work to do. And it wasn't couple's counseling. It wasn't date nights. It wasn't anything that my husband could do or needed to stop doing.
It was all in me.
And when I faced my music, when I took a close look in the mirror, I finally faced what I was too afraid to see. I faced my own fears and insecurities. I discovered the unhealed "little girl" inside of me who was still broken, alone and helpless.
I had to stop waiting for my knight in shining armor to come save me from the dragon of my own broken soul. I had to wake up from my sleep, grab my own sword from underneath my pillow, and kill my own dragon.
Leaving a hurting relationship will bring temporary relief to cycles of conflict, neglect and abuse. However, if the underlying issue from your own past is rooted in abandonment, neglect, or abuse . . .
The dragon still holds you hostage in the keep.
So the question is . . .
Will you continue to wait for rescue? From someone else?
My prayer for you is that you get laser focused on what YOU can do to face your own brokeness. And I pray you find the courage to fight and reclaim your own joy and happiness.
To your future,