Life happens. People divorce. The really smart ones take some time before considering a new partner. They want to be strategic. People want to avoid the type of issues that railroaded their last relationship. But how do you find the right fit in a potential partner without asking a million-and-one questions about their ex?
Dive into their future.
Have you thought about the way you want to live the last season of your life? What would that look like? Where would it be? How would you invest the time you have each day?
As I continue living and experiencing others, I find that too often people have not taken the time to consider these questions. Mostly, we are on the hamster wheel of life, focused on checking off the boxes we were given:
- Go to school.
- Get good grades.
- Get a good paying job.
- Get married.
- Have kids.
- Buy a home.
These elements of what we call “the American Dream” are sadly the same reasons too many marriages fail. What do you have to look forward to after you have your house with the picket fence and 2.3 kids? What happens after you land your dream job and enjoy every vacation destination available to you?
You fade.
And its not because you’re a horrible person. It’s because your dream is not bigger than your lifetime.
So when dating after divorce, ask your coffee or dinner date, “Have you ever thought about becoming a grandparent one day? What type of grandparent would you be to your grandkids?” There is even a lot you can explore by discovering their relationship with their own grandparents. Were there any special memories? Life lessons? Stories that will live on for another generation?
I think its cringe to invest too much time talking about ex-husbands and ex-wives. That conversation sets the tone for giving clues to one another about who NOT to be. Instead, show up to your date as who you actually are, and who you are still growing into. Share with your interest ideas how you want to be remembered after a life well-lived. Is it more than the things you possess? Or is it something bigger than the stuff money can buy for a moment of happiness?
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
Human connection disclosure: This post is 100% human curated and is not generated by Ai.
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