Are you experiencing compassion fatigue and burnout? What is your life “supposed” to be like? Really? Who told you this? How much of it aligns with your true, eternal characteristics? How much of it is a ton of expectations that were placed on you?
Consider the grumpiest, mean-faced, bitter person you know. Are they doing what they are “supposed” to do in life? Or have they become embittered because of the raging conflict within them that is fueled by everyone else’s expectations? Getting to the underlying source of your own internal conflict is the most valuable investment you can make in all of your relationships with others.
At the end of the day, You IS who you is. This vow of self-acceptance is both an offensive and defensive weapon. From an offensive vantage, when you utilize it as a compass, it directs you in checking off all the boxes for opportunities, relationships, and other choices. Each decision either brings you closer to alignment with yourself, or it puts you at odds with yourself.
Yet most people do not tap into the offensive power of the personal promise to self. They have not accepted themselves. They attempt to cover up and hide their imperfections and flaws. They layer on a thick coat of perfectionism, people-pleasing and performance so that nobody else can see who they really are. Then, when their relationships become shipwrecked, they fail to see the connection between their own internal conflict and the struggle they participate in with others.
As a defensive tool, I’m IS who I’m is communicates first to you that there is no need to pretend. It does not reject the need or desirability for self-improvement. Rather, it affirms your humanity in a way that no longer depends on anyone else’s acceptance or approval. When you show up in your relationships with others having this conviction firmly set, you will find boundaries defined by your purpose in life, rather than all the cultural chatter. You will say “no,” and not fear rejection. You will encounter courage to say, “I’m not doing this anymore,” without fear of abandonment.
If you have become weary, drained, and simply exhausted by external expectations, then it’s time for a mediation with yourself. There is a version of yourself driven by what everyone else thinks about you. That version is performing, often times silencing your true self, pushing you to sacrifice your being in exchange for the praises of others. When you meet with this version of yourself, come prepared. You need your list of demands. This list honestly sets out the following terms of engagement:
- WHO you truly are (this may be the exact opposite of who everyone thinks you are)
- WHAT truly motivates you and drives your passions, and
- HOW you propose to change course from having your decisions driven by everyone else’s needs and expectations.
This will feel terribly selfish for someone who has been defined by everyone else’s needs. Just because you are someone who enjoys service to others does not require you to no longer serve yourself. Management of your own spirit, thoughts, emotions, and physical health is your very first obligation. For too many people, we walk around attempting to fill up everyone else’s cup while our own soul is dehydrated from lack of self-awareness and alignment with your personal purpose in life. If this sounds like you, then you need a compassionate confrontation, a painfully honest and loving intervention to evaluate how you are literally destroying yourself in exchange for external approval.
Write out everything you love about yourself. In a separate column, write out everything about yourself you loathe, are embarrassed by, or work really hard to cover up. Now, with this complete picture of who you IS, make a decision. Agree that you are good enough. Agree that you deserve to love yourself as much as you love everyone else. Agree to accept yourself and embrace every imperfection, no filter necessary. And at the top of this document, write the title, I’m IS Who I’m Is. At the bottom, write the following agreement with yourself.
I will live as myself and no longer be afraid of other people’s opinions of me. I will keep my promises to others, but only when those promises which align with my deepest convictions and promises I have already made to myself. I will practice honesty with myself and share the reward of honesty from a place of overflow, never from a place of emptiness.
Sign and date your new mediation agreement. Keep a physical and digital copy easily accessible to keep you reminded. Hold yourself in contempt when you lie to yourself for the sake of someone else’s expectations. With practice, you will find that other relationships begin to align. For some, they fall away because they needed to. And you are no longer afraid of that possibility. Yet for others, they honor the honesty you now live in and respond to you from a place of higher esteem and respect. You can still be the loving, kind, and giving person you truly are. But this gift will serve you only after you have first served it to yourself.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
Human connection disclosure: This post is 100% human curated and is not generated by Ai.
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