Don't be Swirled: How to stop getting sucked into their conflict cyclone

Are you a person who is extremely sensitive to the motions in the room? Do you find it difficult to resist the pull when someone else is in turmoil? If you self-identify as an empath, you may feel powerless in the crosshairs of other people’s emotions. But this post includes a very important principle that, if you practice it, will liberate you from other people’s “swirl.”

 

So you feel the immediate shift in the atmosphere, and you are certain what you just felt. So you ask, “What’s wrong?”

 

You are met with an immediate, “Nothing.” 

 

This is confusing. Because you know what you felt. From a place of concern, you gently nudge, prodding for ownership and disclosure. Instead you just entered the blow up of the century.

 

You stepped into their swirl. The swirl is the pressure cooker of internal conflict. They have something going on. In trying to sort it out, they conveniently make you the target. This is an instant pain reliever. Finding someone else to blame your swirl on gives you a quick vent, like turning the steam nob on your Instant Pot. And there is one simple reason why you were whipped up into mayhem along with them. 

 

You haven’t learned how to mind your own business. 

 

Now don’t get me wrong. I have the same exact Gummy Bear affliction that I had to learn how to manage better. I feel everyone and everything. I used to be so drained from simply allowing everyone else’s stuff to throw me out of emotional balance. I wanted to help people feel better. The faster I helped them sort it out, the sooner I could stop feeling all of their yucky energy. But in time, I learned better. I found out that this sensory acumen is a special gift. It helps you to practice empathy and compassion. This happens because you literally know how other people are feeling without the necessity of a lot of explanation. 

But when you realize that you are constantly triggering the trip wire when somebody else needs to sort out their stuff, its time to practice some wisdom. The moment they tell you “nothing is wrong” and you feel what you feel. . .

 

Back off. 

 

Internal conflict in somebody else is their problem to figure out. Unless and until someone invites you into that space, your interference is more likely to compound the strife they are already soaking in. And when that happens, the fight they were having with themselves becomes a fight with you.  And for someone who has not figured out how to compassionately confront themselves to resolve their own conflict, they secretly hope for your interference. It provides a convenient distraction from the real issue they have going on within themselves. And now, where you thought you were helping, you actually pushed them further away from the necessary pain they need to be in to finally break fever from their own internally conflicted dialogue. 

 

Does this help?

 

So the next time you feel that shift, take a moment. Sing the ABCs silently inside of your head. Don’t jump in. There is a moat full of crocodiles over there ready to tear you apart. Allow the other person their space to sulk, stew and stink. That’s their business. You win by not falling into the same pattern of uninvited interference. And prayerfully, they win by finally confronting themselves about decisions they need to make without villainizing you.  This doesn’t make you disinterested or cold. It makes you strategic. And by knowing when and how to step away from another person’s swirl, you create safety for them to invite your insight and help working through their conflict. 

 

Be blessed and encouraged, 

Judge Char