Does the very idea or possibility that someone's lying to you, upset you to the point of instant rage, like from zero to “ I'm pissed” in no time flat? Like I ready to prove you wrong in this very moment—I have the screenshots, I got the text messages, the voice memos, the emails. You are wrong... You're lying… and I’m ready to expose you as a liar.
What if I told you the key to helping the liar in your life is no longer arguing with them and allowing the truth to reveal itself? There's a very important law of life that applies here.
Everything that's done in the dark will come to light.
But unfortunately, many of us in our relationships, we struggle with practicing the patience to allow the truth to come to light.
We want to investigate and prove the truth. We want the fingerprints and the forensics. We want the truth to be known immediately. But in a conflict, when you are arguing with someone who's lying, they're just going to keep lying. The story is gonna change. They're going to wiggle around your evidence loopholes.
Worst of all, they're going to turn it back around on you, make you out to be the bad guy. This becomes necessary so that they can escape being put on trial with all of your prosecutorial evidence. You don't argue with a lie.
What you do is you wait the lie out.
And I know this could be absolutely painful, but here's what happens when, instead of becoming the lie detector and executor, you practice being a person of truth.
Even when it is embarrassing. . .
Even when it puts you in a vulnerable spot. . .
Even where you might feel like the other person has an advantage by withholding the entire story from you.
The truth is always more powerful than lies. The truth will always prevail over lies just like love will always overcome hate. So become a person of truth, become a person of conviction, become a person that refuses to tell “little white lies.” You become the example of what you are demanding from everyone else. And you do so even when a “harmless lie” could help push a potential conflict off on the back burner, and make everybody feel happy for the moment under a false sense of security.
This is how you become the person who's always going to tell the truth even when it hurts.
And when you become that person, you are giving permission for all of the liars around you to start telling the truth. Because the truth is that we've all lied. We've all told little fibs and stories and tried to make it sound cute. But whenever any of us lie, we are hurting other people.
When we make a commitment and then fail to keep it, that's a lie.
When you worked only 6 hours, but tracked 8 hours on your timesheet, that was a lie.
When you set a goal for yourself and then you don't accomplish the goal, you lied to yourself.
So what if part of the reason you are so angry when someone else lies to you is because you haven't been completely honest with yourself? Start with practicing keeping promises you made to yourself.
Did you set a New Year's resolution and then you lied to yourself? Did you write out your goals for the week and then you lied to yourself? Did you promise your kids you were going to take them for ice cream, and then made up an excuse not to do it? You were lying. The more you accept all of the hundreds of little ways that you lie, the less enraged you'll be at the person who's obviously lying to you.
And again. I can guarantee this because it is a law that will always, always work. Everything that's done in the dark will come to light. So when you see all of the little scandals that pop up on the news, this judge did this and this politician did that, and this actress or this actor, that stuff had been in hiding.
And hiding is a lie. But what happens is that time and opportunity reveals it. The more influential or powerful a person is, the more scandalous the revelation of their secrets. All you have to do is wait for it.
So the next time someone lies to you, rather than arguing with them, rather than pulling out your phone and showing them all the proof that you know that they're lying…
Let the lie ride.
Eventually, it's going to blow up in their face if they don't come to terms within the universal grace period. We all have a measure of opportunity to accept the fact that it's better to just tell the truth. For now, I hope this empowers you to patience the very next time you are involved in an argument with a liar. I pray you become more of a truth teller—especially to yourself. Then and only then will you have the courage and credibility to be totally honest with others.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
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