3 Signs You Need a Mediation with Yourself

I recently viewed a wonderful social media post about the “Board Meeting with Yourself.” Perhaps you’ve seen it or one similar. The lady in the post suggested having a meeting with the following versions of yourself:

At this meeting, you ask each version of yourself several probing questions. What delighted me about this particular exercise is the very intentional approach to resolving internal conflict. I have come to understand that the majority of interpersonal conflicts are driven first by unresolved internal conflict. We act against our own best interests. Then we identify an external villain to explain our own duality. Resolving internal agony is prerequisite to accomplishing any enduring interpersonal harmony. But instead, many people seek an interpersonal resolution before they have resolved their own conflicting inner dialogue. Simply put, this is putting the cart before the horse.

 

Like a board meeting, mediation with yourself is designed to set a clear path forward. At the end of mediation, you discover a 4-way win where no aspect of yourself is hidden, overridden, or forgotten. If you experience any of these chronic states of being, they may be red flags of unresolved internal dialogue—conflict—that is crying out for attention and resolution.

 

I agonize how often I ask people, “what is your dream?” only to find them stumped, unprepared, and without any answer to offer. I believe dreams, hopes and ideals are the divine wiring in each and every one of us. A dream is bigger than you, lasts longer than your own lifetime, even. It is more than material possessions, a job title or professional role and its related compensation. Dreams fuel us when times are stormy and dark. They are the spiritual fuel that keeps the spark of life lit well beyond emotional rollercoasters, personal tragedy, or insufferable loss. Your dream not only points to your future self. It is often a link between the childhood version of yourself and your most fulfilling future. Do you have a dream? How did you take a step closer to your dream today?

 

My mom would always accuse me of being “so emotional.” I mean, she would say it with a grimace, like I had cooties or something.

What we call positive emotions as compared to negative emotions are all part of life’s abundantly beautiful treasure. A life seeking to avoid or escape negative emotion is not a life lived at all. Even worse, we are surrounded by infinite opportunities to scroll up some dopamine feel-good. . . if only for a moment. But the reality is that even so-called “negative” emotions can have a positive reward. I heard it said that your purpose in life is sometimes illuminated by the thing that makes you angry. Social ills such as hunger, homelessness, and child abuse are just a few of the low hanging fruit that easily triggers negative emotions in many people. The stronger you experience them, the more likely you need to pay closer attention.

When you have completely disconnected your emotions, however, to numb yourself from feeling pain, this often exists because of a war raging inside of you—but neither side is winning. Are you simply existing, and shopping for something or someone outside of you to “make” you feel better? Which option should you choose that most accurately navigates you to the destination of the future self you dream of?

 

I get it—life sucks sometimes. But one thing that adds nothing to making things better is constant complaining. If you hang around long enough, and look closely enough, you will find something to complain about. I once knew a woman who took pride in this, “that’s right, I’m a professional complainer.” But what she did not realize what how quickly others wanted to avoid her calls, end the conversation, and run outside to catch a breath of fresh air.

Constant complaining can be a bad habit. Or, it can indicate an unresolved dispute you have with yourself that you are distracting yourself from by finding fault in everyone and everything else. It’s really not cute. And most children by the time they reach 8 years old are capable of learning the necessity—and attractiveness—of gratitude. When is the last time you expressed gratitude for life itself? When is the last time you expressed appreciation for your gifts, talents, abilities and yes—even your flaws? What is a perfect world? And how can you add to its construction? Have you forgiven yourself for your past? Truly forgiven yourself?

 

I’m so thankful to the lady who shared this concept. For years I have been subconsciously practicing self-integration—the total alignment of thought, speech and deed. The “Board Meeting with Yourself” framework, however, is a practical tool for identifying where you are actually fighting yourself. If you are willing to take on such a challenge, you may just find power struggles and interpersonal conflict no longer burden you or show up as frequently.

 

Be blessed and encouraged,

Judge Char