Girl. . . Let Him be Great
Char’s Law of Love: Strong women enable weakness in men
This post is for the ladies. The go-getter. The woman who has a full time job, side hustle, or is running the show. You are making money, caring for children, and making things happen. And you’re tired, wondering why your husband does not step up to the plate to lighten your load. And I’m here to tell you ladies…
You’re doing too much.
I was there like you. Not only was I managing my own law practice, but I was running a homeschool program. I was available for everything for everyone–all of the time. I took care of my share of the household responsibilities the same as I had when I only worked a job and our little one was in private school. But something had to give.
I was frustrated. I had not taken inventory. I used to only worry about breakfast and dinner. But as the homeschool teacher, I doubled as the cafeteria lady. The extra midday meal added to my list of things to think about. I gradually threw caution to the wind regarding my own nutritional needs. My own hunger became too inconvenient to manage. Slowly, I fell into the trap of waiting too long to eat and grabbing the first, most convenient bite so that I could hurry up and get back to my never-ending list of things to do.
I lost myself in the grind.
And then I lost my waist line.
Something had to give. I knew that I was on an unsustainable course. In my mind, my husband should have simply offered to step in and take a load off of me. And when he didn’t read my mind, I became low-boil resentful towards him. Until I put on the brakes.
You need to let them be great.
I had a team meeting with myself. I analyzed the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats surrounding my need for cafeteria assistance. And the solution? Let them be great.
I purchased a George Forman grille for the kiddo. He learned how to make sandwiches, burgers, and to go wild with creativity. Our homeschool incorporated some good old fashioned home economic instruction. I empowered him to be great.
Then I had a meeting with my husband and asked a simple question, “When did we agree that I am the one to do all of the shopping, prepping and cooking?” I needed to renegotiate my contract. He said okay. And together, we negotiated some adjustments that shifted part of the burden of feeding our family off of me and onto my husband.
I can’t tell you how often I see strong, capable, boss women fall apart because they are doing too much. Too often, the issue is not that their husband is unwilling to help. The issue, rather, is that since their wives have it covered, there is no need for them. And so…they do nothing.
Husbands often complain they cannot read their wives’ minds. And for whatever reason, many women like myself, like you, simply see the need and take care of it. Done. Isn’t it easier that way?
But for the man in your life, he doesn’t see a problem that needs fixing. So if you have it covered, “do you.”
I’m here to encourage you to let him be great. Be his damsel in distress. Ask him to lend you his strength. For many women who I’ve supported through this process, they were wowed by the husband who showed up for them.
And if the problem is that you do it better than he does, that’s fine too. Let him be great and kick your feet up while the hot mess results. It really will be okay.
Give yourself a break and let that man be great.